Friday, March 25, 2016

Recipe For Disaster (03/25/16)

If you remember my post about disliked words, you know how some words bug me because of how difficult they are to spell. The word "recipe" is one of them. When I go to write it, I want to put an extra "i" right before the second "e" because usually the "e" at the end of a word is silent. Then I realize that there are too many "i" 's and try to take out the one that is supposed to be there. It all just doesn't make sense.

You might call a research report about a topic that is difficult to spell or pronounce a "recipe for disaster". Again, it sounds cliche, but I think it's still a fun idea. For example, it is acceptable in my family to change a message left on our whiteboard to say something funny if it has been left up too long. I wrote a note to myself on the mirror in the bathroom that my sisters and I share. I decided that the words "Jar of Pickles" was sufficient to remind myself to bring something random for a gag gift exchange. Here's what it ended up saying (as far as I can remember):

Pickle Juice: a healthy drink for freaks of all ages
1 Jar of Pickles
2 onions, finely chopped
1 tablespoon garlic powder
3 teaspoons dragon blood
Instructions: Preheat oven to 350° and fill it with lighter fluid.
Combine all ingredients into small green bucket and

(No one ever finished that sentence.)

Don't try this at home. Putting lighter fluid into your oven to bake something is definitely not a good idea. It is, in fact, a literal recipe for disaster. 

I'm sure we have done things in life that are worthy of writing down in disastrous recipe format. A true example for me would probably be:

Infant Covered in Ranch
1 infant (can be substituted for toddler or young child)
1 fancy Italian restaurant (recommended brand: Spagetti Warehouse in downtown Columbus, Ohio)
1 cup of ranch
minimal adult supervision
lots of napkins 
Place infant into Italian restaurant. Add cup of ranch. Mix in several distractions and slowly add in minimal adult supervision. If no results show within several minutes, try bringing the ranch closer to the infant or taking out more adult supervision. Infant should get ranch all over hands, preferably also on face and/or clothing. When complete, clean infant with plenty of napkins.

Yeah. I was that infant.

Any recipes for disaster that you want to share? Comment below. (Keep it PG, please!) It can be from a real life experience, a near miss, or something you are thankful has never come close to happening to you.

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