"Why is that?" asked Thomas, listening to her complaints over the phone. He didn't add that he was feeling the exact same way.
"Why is what?"
"Why'd you get sick?" His patience was running low, but his voice was even more high pitched and strained than usual.
"Dunno," she said. Maybe I got it from you, she added to herself.
I love tag lines. I especially love tag lines when they're used creatively but correctly.
In case it's been awhile, tag lines are the mini-sentences after a bit of dialogue. (Ex. Anita said, asked Thomas, etc.) If the reader is absolutely sure who's talking or the author just gets lazy, they don't have to follow every piece of dialogue. The third and fourth bits of dialogue above don't have tag lines. The rest do.
Sometimes tag lines use synonyms for "said", which is fine as long as it doesn't take away from the story. For example:
"I'm sick. I have a fever, a headache, a nasty cough, and a whole bunch of time," Anita grumbled.
"Why is that?" squeaked Thomas.
"Why is what?" Anita shouted.
"Why'd you get sick?" Thomas squealed back.
"Dunno," she mumbled. Maybe I got it from you, she added to herself.
Also, some people add adverbs into the tag line. There's nothing wrong with it, but I read in an editor's blog (and agree) that there may be more creative ways to say what you want to say without being distracting. For example:
"I'm sick. I have a fever, a headache, a nasty cough, and a whole bunch of time," Anita said miserably.
"Why is that?" said Thomas squeakily.
"Why is what?" Anita said loudly.
"Why'd you get sick?" Thomas said harshly.
"Dunno," she said quietly. Maybe I got it from you, she added to herself.
Note: When writing a tag line, put all punctuation within the sentence as if it was a sentence of its own. (Spoiler Alert: It is!) If it ends in a period, replace it with a comma. Otherwise, leave it alone. Place all punctuation for the sentence outside the tag line as usual. See below:
"I'm sick," Anita said, lying miserably on the couch. "I have a fever, a headache, a nasty cough, and a whole bunch of time."
Lying miserably on the couch, Anita said, "I'm sick. I have a fever, a headache, a nasty cough, and a whole bunch of time."
Anita said, "I'm sick. I have a fever, a headache, a nasty cough, and a whole bunch of time." She was lying miserably on the couch.
But what are rules if they aren't to be broken? Welcome to the world of Tom Swifties. Here, you make a pun out of the dialogue and the tag line, which is usually said by Tom, although the speaker can vary. Examples:
"This steak is really good," Tom said tenderly.
"Th- th- the car won't start!" Tom sputtered.
"I'll wear a tie," Tom said suitingly.
"There's a lion in the house!" Tom roared.
"You're a stalker," Tom said cornily.
"Add your own," I commented.
:)
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